Office Romance: Love It or Leave It!

Conventional wisdom suggests that getting involved with a work colleague is not the best thing to do. However, given the amount of time that many of us spend out work, sometimes it is difficult not to enter into work place relationship. Speaking from experience, most work place romances don’t end well or have happy endings. That said, for those intrepid souls who have no choice but to follow their hearts, I happened upon an article that may provide some advice to help navigate the often treacherous and troublesome waters of an office romance.

Love at Work

By Michele Marrinan, Monster Contributing Writer 

Dating someone from work is natural for many people. After all, who has time to meet someone when you're working 60 hours or more per week? You may find that understanding your mutual work lives can deepen your relationship. And instead of rushing home each evening, you may be willing to work late, especially if you can do it alongside your beloved.

Despite the upsides, the downsides can be pretty daunting. First, there's no escape if the romance goes sour. You still have to see and interact with that person daily. A failed workplace romance can also hurt your career and reputation. People may view a promotion or raise as favoritism, no matter how much you deserve it. And even if the relationship works out, it can be tough to work with your lover. "You get sick of each other," says Judy Kuriansky, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating.

Whether you should or should not date someone at the office isn't always a clear-cut decision. It depends on your situation and personality. But if you decide to make the leap, tread carefully over these issues. 

Make Sure You Can Take the Consequences

"If you decide to wander down that illicit path of meeting somebody in your office, remember to take the good with the bad," says Paul A. Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together, two dating franchises. "The biggest problem about interoffice relationships is that if it doesn't work out, you still have to face that person every single day." Make sure that you can.

 Be Smart

You don't want your entire life to be an open book. Before you ask your love interest out for a drink, be certain he isn't the type to share your innermost secrets around the water cooler.

Date Up, Not Down

Dating a subordinate isn't smart. Your relationship could be misconstrued as a power play -- "date me, or you won't get that promotion." If things go badly, you could get hit with a lawsuit for sexual harassment, even if the relationship was mutual. Some companies require managers to report workplace romances and both parties to sign an agreement stating they willingly entered the relationship.

Be Discreet

Some people keep workplace romances a secret. That's the route Falzone recommends. But Kuriansky disagrees. She says that secrets can cause issues among coworkers. The key is to be discreet. Don't hold closed-door meetings, don't make overt displays of affection in the office and stay focused on work.

Get a Life

It's important not to spend every waking hour with your lover and your work. That's not good for any relationship. Pursue other interests together and individually. And make sure you have more in common than your jobs.

Hat tip to Michele at Monster.com

Until next time...

Good Luck and Good Lovin’

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Connecting Scientists: What's Love Got to Do with It?

Social media is the rage these days and, by all accounts, the things that are driving it popularity are making business connections, job hunting and the opportunity to meet/connect with others on a personal/romantic level. While scientists are generally perceived as being less social than others, I believe that we, like most people, primarily join social networks for two reasons—job hunting and career development or dating and sex.

With this in mind, a quick perusal of social media sites reveals that there is no shortage of social networks specifically designed for scientists for job hunting and career development. Surprisingly, there is a dearth of sites that enable scientists to connect with one another on personal or romantic levels. This doesn’t make sense to me as someone who spent 12 years as a graduate student and postdoc. Let’s face it, we scientists generally work long hours, don’t get out of the laboratory much and generally find it hard to meet prospective mates. That is, outside of the people who we work with daily. And as I learned the hard way, workplace romances can be very tricky and uncomfortable to manage at times. But, not to worry! Yesterday, I discovered an interesting website called Science Connection—maintained and run by the Scientist.com—which was specifically designed as a “the meeting place for single science professionals and others with an interest in science or nature.” I guess you can call it match.com for scientists!

From what I could glean from its website, Science Connection was started way back in the early 1990s by “erstwhile biologist Anne Lambert, with help and advice from friends who were also biologists, birders, or science types, and with the essential involvement of her friend Roy Smith, who did the original programming.” The site boasts about 15,533 members and provides some cool stats on the number of matches, relationships, marriages and even children that resulted from members who joined the network. Most of SciCon’s members are from the United States and Canada, with small numbers from other countries and regions of the world. The scientific disciplines of its members run the gamut from physical, natural, medical and social/behavioral sciences to computers and information technology. And, some of SciCon’s members aren’t scientists but lawyers, teachers, business people, musicians and artists (science fetish?).

But, before you take the SciCon plunge, you ought to know that the average age of male members is about 49 years and for women almost 46 years. However, those averages are misleading because they were calculated from the roughly 500 members who listed their ages on their profiles. There are roughly equal numbers of men and women and the age of its members ranges from 20 to 89 years. Many members are into natural history (birding, etc.) and participate in outdoor activities.  Finally, SciCon is not a free site and annual membership is $65 (~ 18 cents/day). “The $65 annual fee buys you a list of all members of the opposite sex (what about same sex individuals?) and a monthly newsletter, which has mini-profiles, discussion forums and a place where members can announce get-togethers in their area. Member Polylogue includes in-depth analyses of cyber romance, the perils of over-50 dating and friendships that bud into romance. If the $65 annual fee is too steep a price to pay for love, then you might want to consider a three month membership which costs only $30 (~33 cents/day). However, as stated on the website, the $65 annual membership represents the “the best value.”

While I had never heard of the Science Connection before, the network has been reviewed many times in the past by a variety of media outlets that include: NPR, Newsweek (2006), Discover (2007), Forbes Magazine and others. In general, the site gets favorable reviews. That said, if I wasn’t married (my wife is lawyer) I might consider joining Science Connection. After all, it certainly beats sitting around the lab on Friday and Saturday nights analyzing sequence data—not that there is anything wrong with that!

Until next time...

Good Luck—and well, err—Good Luck

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